Late last year, Oodaalolly secured an exclusive license to import a small amount of chocolate balut from Kuak Kuak, one of the most mysterious of the 7,100 islands in the Philippine archipelago.

“Tales of legendary chocolate balut have persisted throughout Philippine history,” says Oodaalolly founder Hernan Lauber, “I thought it was a myth.” But his business partner, Jeremy Burnich, thought there was something more to the stories.  “In my Filipino research, I came across a strange map and compass.  For some reason, I just had to see if the rumors were true.” Both were optimistic and quickly formed an expedition. 

Oodaalolly Chocolate Balut Expedition Photo 27: Lauber (left) and Burnich (right) discussing their search for the lost Kuak Kuak Island.

The Mysterious Map. Discovered in a trove of documents it holds the key to Kuak Kuak Island.

After many weeks of sailing, the intrepid adventurers saw a mysterious island shrouded in clouds and rainbows off in the distance.  They anchored offshore, thinking it was a likely prospect, and seeing it had not appeared in any navigational charts (or on google maps). As soon as they set foot on the island, an intoxicatingly rich caramel aroma burst forth. It turns out Jeremy had stepped in duck shit, which meant they were on the right island. 

They soon came upon a Dalaketnon settlement. After a 14-day quarantine and vaccination regimen, Hernan and Jeremy were allowed to talk to the elvish folk who called Kuak Kuak home. And that is when they learned about how chocolate balut came to be.

Dalaketnon

The elves of the Philippines.

Fun Fact: They have strict vaccination and quarantine rules.

The combination of Kuak Kuak’s unique flora and fauna and the peculiar physiological traits of the waterfowl enable the balut transmutation to occur. 

Their diet plays a crucial role in the production of eggs as well.  They eat cacao pod pulp and beans, along with the buds of a local rubber tree, and wash everything down with carabao milk and a type of natural lambanog that seems to form in inland pools and lagoons. 

The birds will offer the eggs as a gift if you play them some music. They prefer modal jazz but are quite open-minded. They will trade two of their precious eggs to the band if they particularly enjoy a live set.  

Theobroma platyrhynchos

Artist impression of ducks discussing music

The Chocolate Balut

With permission, some eggs were shipped back to the Oodaalolly testing lab atop the Transamerica Pyramid. There, lab results indicated that the majority of the balut consisted of three ingredients—cacao, sugar, and milk. Further analysis of the embryonic portions showed high glucose concentrations and a gelatinous substrate similar to “gummy candy.”

The eggs are naturally tempered and polished, and they exhibit over 600 different aromatic compounds, many of which are only found in chocolate balut.  When the egg is bitten, a heady taste and squishiness fills your mouth, which seems to provoke a feeling of happiness and squeamishness at the same time. No adverse effects have been reported—unless you are lactose intolerant, then, don’t eat a chocolate balut.

Oodaalolly uses 4-cell egg cartons for their imported chocolate balut.

NOTE: The Curse of the Chocolate Balut—which hangs over each egg like a sword of Damocles if a balut is stolen from the island—has been removed by the Dalaketnon as part of Oodaalolly’s export license. DO NOT APPROACH A STOLEN CHOCOLATE BALUT. 

Oodaalolly’s import license allows for a limited annual quota—finite quantities available.  

Oodaalolly is proud to have worked with Dalaketnon officials, the Kuak Kuak duck council, and Swissair to import these special chocolate balut eggs to the United States.